What If We Just Asked?

I am really enjoying my Monday night book club as we read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. We are reading one agreement each week, which gives me the whole week to sit with it. It’s been really meaningful to build awareness around the different agreements, noticing what I already know, seeing things in a different light, hearing other perspectives through the group (love book clubs), and finding new ways to grow in my own life.

This week I’m sitting with Don’t Make Assumptions. In general… duh. I know, right? I’ve heard this my whole life. Big assumptions are easy to notice, but the author really made me realize how much we, as humans, make assumptions without even realizing it. The biggest takeaway for me was how often assumptions happen because we simply don’t communicate. We don’t ask questions, and instead we assume people think like us.

But when we pause and remember that everyone has completely different life experiences, from childhood until now, we begin to see that people don’t think like us. They think like them. They have their own perspectives, beliefs, and understandings. Every time we think someone should think the way we do, we are making an assumption. And then when we realize they don’t think like us, we may get upset and think, shouldn’t they just know? But the truth is, the whole situation began with an assumption.

Often we don’t ask questions because it feels uncomfortable. We’re afraid of asking. Our minds think the easier path is to just assume, because we know… you know? But in reality, that’s exactly what leads to misunderstanding. The author even wrote that we could solve all of the world’s problems if we simply communicated more clearly.

So this week, I’m starting with myself. I’m going to take steps to ask more questions and step outside the fear that holds me back. When I have a question I want to ask and fear tells me not to, to stay small or not bother someone, I’m going to ask. I’m probably going to hate it. It’s going to feel uncomfortable. I’ll probably try to talk myself out of it. I can already feel my stomach turning just thinking about it. But I’m going to do it.

Because I want to learn to communicate better. And when we change, the ripple effect moves outward. Others notice. Others learn. Others follow.

Be the change. 💛

Reflection: Where might you be expecting someone to “just know”? What would it feel like to ask a clarifying question instead? What might become easier if communication became more open?

Action Step: If something feels unclear in a conversation this week, practice asking one clarifying question.